Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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