dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
