We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
