I'm lost and stupid without you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
