Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The air taste purple.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
