Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize