You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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