Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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