i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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