fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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