its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
