when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
