Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
