I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
