Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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