Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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