we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize