I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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