I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
