can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
