Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
