I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
