you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
