I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
