my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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