So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
