Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
