I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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