Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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