The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
