Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
