I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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