Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
