I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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