Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
