in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I need moral support for this bender
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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