That's intense
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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