Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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