when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
