big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
