Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
