I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize