i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
