i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
