You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
