So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
