so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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