loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize