3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
