Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize