it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Panties = found
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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