Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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