our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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