her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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