Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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