I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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