i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
