i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
