Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
