My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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