Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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