the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
