If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
