I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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