Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
