i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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