Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
