I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
