so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
