There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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