I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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